Hell Phone

Last week I had to get a new cell phone. Mine couldn’t remember who I was, locked me out and demanded I take it to AT&T (No joke).

We (me, baby & delusional phone) go to the AT&T store where I thrust my phone at a rep and say, “Fix this.”

She smiles, “I can probably fix this for ya. Usually they just need a new SIM card and they’re back to normal.”

[USUALLY?? AT&T has a lot of phones that suddenly develop aversions to their owners?]

She opens my phone and notices the “liquid damage indicator” is red. (ACK!) I panic. If I damaged my phone insurance won’t cover it and I’ll be making monthly payments on NOTHING.

Then I panic: “Will I lose my pictures?”

(I have a very photogenic baby.)

Rep says, “No. The pictures are stored in the phone unless you have a memory card.”

I have no memory card. Maybe that’s why the phone doesn’t remember me?)

New SIM card is in place and my phone demands the password (which I know). Then it demands some other password I’ve never heard of (which I don’t know) and says it wants to go to AT&T. Rep says, “Let me put in my SIM card from my phone and we’ll see if it’s a faulty SIM card or if it’s the phone.”

(Repeat steps 1-3 with same result.)

Rep stares at my phone. “Huh.”

“Let me call Customer Service.”


Customer Service listens, takes info while I move away from the desk to play with my adorable baby (see pic above). Five minutes later (!!) I ask Rep what’s going on.

“She transferred me to Tech Support.”

Oh shit.

Tech Support listens to tale of woe and Rep’s snide, “…and there’s water damage” while I sigh, roll my eyes, and wonder where I’m getting money to buy a new phone that won’t have Alzheimer’s Disease.

Rep hangs up saying, “We’ll have to call the insurance company.”

I try not to faint.

She relays info, tale of woe and water damage (damn her!) and hangs up. (Apparently insurance company is used to psycho AT&T phones.)

“They overnight phones so I wouldn’t be surprised if you had it tomorrow.”

The voice in my head starts singing, “I’m gettin’ a new phone, I’m gettin’ a new phone” and doing the banana dance. Then, realization dawns.

I just lost my photos. And my games. And my ringtones. And the couple of songs I had. Rep gives me ten dollar credit to make up for losses. Ten dollars. TEN.


Rep also tells me if my phone ever mentions that password again to “drop everything and come right down here.”

What the hell?

Later, Matt wonders just what the hell I do while he’s at work and asks, “So how’d your phone get water damage?”

“The other day I defrosted chicken for dinner and I accidentally set it in a puddle of chicken juice…”

(Matt rolls his eyes, sorry he asked.)

“…so it had LIQUID damage…”

“…and also salmonella.”



UPDATE 02/22/10: *sigh*  I got my hell phone bill in the mail today.  Instead of the usual >$75 (is that less than??) it also included the $50 deductable that no one mentioned when I went through the replacement process so I didn’t think I had to pay.  AND, it also includes the $21 I spent on games for the new phone since I lost all mine.

SO.  Instead of my regular bill, it’s DOUBLE this month.

Holy Hell.



4 thoughts on “Hell Phone

  1. SO glad you can blog now, even if you lost precious things on phone. Look at it this way: cell phone pix are really new. We were all raised w/out them & came out OK & i'll bet you have tons more photos of AB (Adorable Baby) than your parents had of you, what with digital everything.Love your post.


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