I’m trapped in a madman’s comedy and I can’t get out.
Today was a normal day for me: Abby was napping and I was working on an article in the office. Abby woke up so I retrieved her, dressed her and set her in the living room while I ran to the bathroom. While perched on the toilet I noticed that A) I didn’t close the bathroom door behind me, and B) I could see out of the window in the front door. That meant that anyone who came to the door and happened to look left would have had a great view of me on the potty. Also? Since we’re in an apartment building, anyone walking down the hallway? Same thing.
I finish what I’m doing while chanting “Please, no one come to the door. Please, no one come to the door.” >insert MSN blank stare icon here<
They don’t, and I finish up in the bathroom. I check on Abby (lying down having some of her bottle), and decide it’s about time I get dressed.
This is where I should mention that Matt did the laundry at the Laundromat on Sunday and most of the dryers had “out of order” signs on them. The remaining dryers were all being used and everybody and their uncles were doing laundry, so Matt washed our clothes and then brought them home.
Wet. (More awesomeness.)
We don’t have a dryer. That’s why we go to the Laundromat. (Awesome awesomeness.)
I put our shirts and some of our pants on hangers and hung them up on the shower rod, more stuff went over towel rods. The socks and underwear were hung on the rims of the laundry baskets. Abby’s clothes were on hangers and hung on the rocking chair in her room. I put a fan in the bathroom to help dry that stuff, and a fan in Abby’s room to dry the clothes on the rocking chair and the sheets hanging over her crib. Extra stuff was draped on whatever, wherever.
I walk to my bedroom, strip completely and put on my bra. At the dresser I get socks and a shirt and all my other drawers are empty. So, dressed except for my hiney, I go into the hall to where the laundry baskets are (right in front of the front door!) and find underwear. I put those on. Then, I look around. There are no pants in my room. There are no pants in Abby’s room. There are no pants in the bathroom. The only pants I see are Matt’s sweats and where are they hanging?? That’s right: over the back of a chair in the office right in front of the picture window facing the street.
I hop over the gate into the living room. Abby laughs at me. I think, “You don’t know the funny part, kid” and I tiptoe toward the window. Because if I go slowly no one will see me. Seriously. Ask a Ninja. I creep up to the chair and my underwear and I are in full view of anyone who happens to look this way. I reach into the sunlight which glares off my turquoise colored sleeve and can be seen miles away like a foglight through…well, fog, and grab Matt’s sweats, hop backwards while I put them on and ta-da! I am dressed, pottied and ready for the rest of the day with only minimal humiliation and embarrassment.
I can’t wait to see what happens when I make dinner.