Today I Threw Myself In Front Of A Bus

perhaps I should back up a bit.

Since I’ve moved here I’ve felt sort of isolated. I’ve met a few new people, semi-reconnected with some old friends…but in a town as small as this I have RARELY run into someone I know. It’s ridiculous. And some days,  I could use an unexpected adult conversation with a friendly face, you know?

Finances have also been weighing on me. There are good moments but overall it feels like all we’re doing is cutting back to save up. I’m not complaining. We haven’t lost any ground that we’ve managed to gain, and things have gotten better (because we tightened our belts). It’s just stressful when all you want to do as a wife and mother is be able to surprise your family with the occasional gift or needed clothing item without having to mentally decide to eat noodles for a week to make up for it. Okay, that’s never happened, but you get what I mean, right? The joy of giving and all that. None of that unexpected “I was thinking of you today, Baby, so I swung into the Maserati dealership and bought you a little something.”

Hey, it could happen.

Anyway, isolation and stress. Even self-inflicted stress and worry because that’s the kind of person I am. I just felt heavy all the time. The weight of the world was weighing  me down.

In the past week I’ve run into old friends, had some of those unexpected conversations, Matt has let me know the money situation isn’t as sucky as I seem to think it is and I am now formally employed (part-time).

Have you ever seen those shows on tv where this team of people goes to a messy house, clears it all out, redecorates, introduces storage solutions and brings in the homeowners crap they decide to keep and make everything functional and pretty at the end of the show? Yeah. That “TEAM” is me. That’s what I’m going to be doing. By myself. *sigh*

Not complaining. I’m thrilled. I’m useful again, feel some sense of purpose (as opposed to feeling like a languishing couch potato), I have “my own money” like a big girl (insert cheesy grin) and my schedule is totally open. I can bring Abby with me to work and if she spazzes out I can leave and come back later. All they want me to do is keep track of start and end times. Everything else is no biggie.

Matt and I are getting along really really well, Abby is flourishing and learning things at this amazing rate (it’s truly jaw-dropping to see). She’s been walking, is starting to run, and is talking now. Our quiet baby. She’s talking. I love hearing her little voice. She’s so amazing. We take turns staring at her and welling up with tears. She’s unbelievable.

So you’re probably wondering why I threw myself in front of a bus.

Well, our friend Patty (I mentioned her back in the You Can’t Take Us Anywhere post) drives a city bus. We call it the “Patty Wagon”. Abby and I were on our way to the grocery store and Patty was just pulling out of the station. Sooo…I jumped in front of the bus. Patty laughed and opened the doors and said “I’m not going to hit you. Too much paperwork!”

I said, “But you’d get a vacation!”

She said, “Yeah. For forever!”

That was enough to lift my mood. (I was freaking a little about the proposal I submitted today.) I had called Matt at work before leaving for the store and he met us at the dollar store after he got out of work and I got done with groceries. So, we got to see Daddy sooner than we would have otherwise, we got a ride home (WOOT!) and all’s well that ends well.

Is it sad when throwing yourself in front of a bus cheers you up?