I’m still feeling like I was trampled by a herd of low-lying sheep.
…Pause to let THAT visual sink in….
What I’ve spent a lot of time doing lately is wrapping myself around the edge of the bed so the baby doesn’t fall off. When I’m awake and she dozes off I kiss her forehead and stroke her hair and hold her small pudgy hands. She is life to me, and I’m so grateful for her — even when she’s sick and crying because she doesn’t understand what’s going on. Hours later I wake up totally cramped up because I can’t move, but it’s a minor inconvenience. I’ll do anything as long as my baby sleeps well. It sucks when I’m healthy and she’s sick; I just feel awful for her. And helpless. But this time I’m sick too. That means when she lies down I’m there with her because I’m lacking the energy to do anything else. When I have to wipe her little nose I blow mine too and she doesn’t feel quite so bad. Sometimes she just sits with me and snuggles under a blanket. Sometimes she smiles because she’s feeling better. I’d forgotten what happens to the world when she smiles: everything is brighter, lighter, happier. Everything seems possible.
It is for moments like that that I live.