Every once in a while something happens to make me realize that even while things seem to be really big and overwhelming in my life, I am actually pretty damn lucky. I’m like everyone else I guess. It’s easy to be thankful when things are going well. It’s easy to let depression and doubt fill my mind when life doesn’t go the way I hoped it would…or when things go wrong and I can’t see a way out/around/through. For the past two and a half years or so it seems that my life has been the marker other people use to gauge their own lives.
“At least I’m not you.”
“Wow. I thought I had problems.”
“I feel way better about my life after hearing about yours.”
Well great. 😛
Today, for me, things are at rock bottom and I don’t know what to do. Our future rests on decisions I haven’t made yet, on opportunities that haven’t presented themselves yet, and possibly in the hands of people I do not yet know. But today, today I realized that my family and I have each other. We have colds, but no serious health problems. We are struggling, but none of us are fighting for our lives.
You don’t know what ‘having a bad day’ means until your four year old is diagnosed with cancer.
Today I am extremely grateful that the cherubic little pink-cheeked face that I cherish isn’t the face of one of the ten thousand (TEN THOUSAND!) children under the age of 15 who are diagnosed with cancer every year. Better yet, Abigail isn’t one of the fifteen hundred children who will die from cancer this year. But today my heart is breaking at trying to imagine that she is. I imagined myself in the place of any of those parents who love their baby as much as I love mine. They have a strength I do not know. I don’t think I have what it takes to watch my baby go through chemo and lose her hair, and be sick from treatments, and have spinal taps to test her bone marrow. I don’t think I have the strength to kiss my baby’s forehead and smile into her eyes to try to cheer her up or answer her questions about what happens when we die, knowing that there’s a chance she will find out all too soon. Today I am applauding, loving, and praying for all those parents who are living the nightmare.
Please stop by this page:
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/5873070/happy_remission_day_audrey_mae_pg2.html?cat=70 and give this family some support. They are celebrating a year of no cancer (although that year has been filled with illnesses bound and determined to break through their little girl’s reduced immunity). They deserve a day of THANK YOU, YES, WOOHOO! They deserve a life of merely worrying about scheduling the car for oil changes and wondering what they’ll do when the washing machine breaks down. They deserve to be able to sit still and just enjoy being with one another.