I’m too depressed to think right now. I hate that this blog has turned into a big whinefest because my life sucks. I hate that people who don’t know me read this and think bad things about me. I hate that people I do know read this and feel sorry for me. I hate that I’m 41 years old and am not where I thought I’d be with my life. I hate that I’m living on the bottom of the barrel. I hate that there doesn’t seem to be a way up. I hate that I feel alone. I hate that I can’t even take care of my kids. I hate that they’re growing up without me, and since they are then it really doesn’t matter if I’m here or not, right?
I hate this. I feel like crap. Instead of crying I’ve turned it all inwards and have massive migraines, a bladder infection and I hate that my life can’t be a little simpler. All I wanted was to have someone to love who loved me back. Can’t be done. I wanted to be a mom. Can’t be done. I wanted to just have a car and a house and a life. Can’t be done.
I don’t know if I’m going to post anymore. At the moment there doesn’t seem to be any point.