The other day Matt and I went for a walk.
He starts pushing the stroller uphill.
ME: Are you ok?
Him: Yeah, why?
ME: Cause you’re old?
He looks at me sideways.
ME: Cause you have a gimpy leg? Cause of the emphysema?
Him: I’m FINE.
(At the top of the hill)
Him: Here. (giving me stroller) Think you can handle it?
Me: I don’t know. I’m old. (slight pause) I have a gimpy leg..
Him: Don’t say it.
(Five minutes later.)
Me: Whew! I’m tired!
Him: (looking at the sun, blue sky…) We’re not dead yet.
Me: (panting) Give me a minute.
As we walk up the road I notice (for the first time) a large yellow circle painted in the middle of the road.
Me: What’s the circle for? Is that where the parachutes land?
(He looks at me sideways.)
Me: Yeah, cause they wouldn’t pick one of these big open fields, they’d have to do it in the middle of the road. To show off.
(Two minutes later, every step I take I wince in pain, and to be sure he doesn’t miss it I say “ow”)
Me: “Ow.” “Ow.” “Ow.” “Ow.” “Ow.”
Him: Stop whining.
Me: (whining loudly) But it hurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrts!
Me: It huuuuuuuuuuuuuurts-ah!
Him: Can you stop talking now?
(Five minutes later I see a VERY LARGE Squirrel galump across the road (it was HUGE), crash into the underbrush and THUD into a tree. HUGE I tell ya.)
Me: That was the biggest squirrel I’ve ever seen.
(He rolls his eyes.)
Me: Seriously. Back home the squirrels are small, cute and dainty. Most of the time you don’t hear them running around. That one was like STOMP, CRASH, THUD.
Him: What kind of pattern do squirrels run in?
Me: I don’t know. I didn’t take guitar lessons.