Camp Flush-A-Lot

 

I’ve decided someone should really, really, REALLY start a potty training camp for toddlers. There are so many ways that people try to potty train their children it’s ridiculous and no one method works for all children. (Because children are individuals.) So to find something that works for my particular child I must spend weeks trying each method, doing laundry and running to the potty every half hour (lor less when she starts going and we’re not in there). And if none of that works? Then I have to start all over again because the first time around she may not have been ready yet. It can take months. Or (God forbid) YEARS.

 

With that in mind, I would pay very good, very large sums of money to send her to potty camp for a week where she would be assigned two personal potty consultants who would be with her around the clock (in 12 hour shifts), take her potty every 30 minutes, watch her drink intake, be happy and encouraging and unfailingly supportive (I’m paying them, so they should be loving and happy 24/7). She’ll attend group potty rallys to boost her morale, enjoy praise and prizes for her hits, and love and one-on-one pep talks for her misses.

 

In between potty runs (ew…no pun intended. At all. Ick.) she’ll participate in crafts like making headdresses out of potty paper and various “what can we make from cardboard potty paper tubes” projects. She’ll enjoy activities including the Toilet Paper Roll Along (first baby to unroll a roll of potty paper wins), sing-a-longs (“It’s My Potty and I’ll Cry If I Want To”, “Potty In the USA”,  and “Where the Potty”) and DVD’s (“Once Upon A Potty”, “Let’s Go Potty” and “Elmo’s Potty Time”).

 

At the end of the week she’ll be returned home happy, smiling, proud, accomplished and sporting brand new teeny tiny Dora the Explorer panties.

 

Now, who wants to set up the first ever Potty Camp?

 

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