I made the decision to potty train Abigail. I made this decision because when her diaper is wet or poopy she’ll tell me. Sometimes she’ll take it off and bring it to me. I said, “If you’re old enough to change yourself, you’re old enough to go potty.”
So, I bought Dora the Explorer underwear. For her. (I know at least one of you was wondering.) I decided that it would be best to face the potty training demons head on and shun diapers and pull ups.
Today she’s been wearing underwear. I decided to take her potty every 30 minutes thinking that eventually we’ll catch her at a time when she needs to go potty. To do this I prefer to use a kitchen timer or the timer on the microwave. This time around I don’t have either of those things and am left to use the alarm clock.
My fear is that she’ll learn to pee on cue every time an alarm clock rings. When she’s older she’ll pee every time a school bell rings to change classes, or maybe it’ll transfer to every bell sound: church bells Sunday mornings, the arrival of an elevator and every time the telephone rings. I’m afraid by potty training her I’m setting her up for a future filled with Depends and psychotherapy and a lifetime of solitude. Her future groom will change his mind as she wets herself in the vestibule as the church bells ring if not before then.
But you have to do what you can. All I have is the alarm clock since my mind won’t realize it’s been 30 minutes. So far she’s managed to pee on the floor before each 30 minute alarm ring. Ten minutes ago she looked like she was going to pee so I rushed her into the bathroom where she yelled, “NO NO NO NO NO”. I thought, “well, let’s not damage her psyche” and I let her return to the living room to play. Then I made her mad when I wouldn’t let her play on the computer, her little body tensed as she cried and yes, she peed on the floor.
She’s wearing a diaper now.
And I’m pretty sure I have MORE gray hairs.
Maybe I don’t have to potty train her. She’ll learn on her own eventually, right? I mean, no one’s wearing diapers at high school graduation. Maybe I can wait her out.
On the bright side, my living room carpet is clean. Very, very clean.