I Didn’t Just Say That…Did I?

 

Me to small child: “Don’t look at me with that tone of voice!”

 

Me to child stuffing 4 inch meatball into his mouth and trying to carry on a conversation:

“Don’t talk with your mouth open!”

Child’s confused brother: “Uh…mom?”

Me: “Oh you know what I meant. Don’t chew with food in your mouth.”

Brother: “Uh…mom?”

Me: (heavy sigh)  

 

Small child: “Mom?”

Me: “What?”

SC: “Mom?”

Me: “What?”

SC: “Mom?”

Me: “What?”

SC: “Mom?”

Me: “What?”

SC: “Mom!”

Me (as I whirl around, bend over to make eye-to-eye contact while pointing my finger into his little face): “Don’t you EVER. Call. Me. Mom.”

(I meant “Don’t whine at me, please.”)

 

Sitting near pool drinking beer, babbling…

Me: “Birds pee and poop too.”

Significant Other: “Yeah, but they do it at the same time.”

Me, confidently: “Ooh. I can do that!”

SO: “Geez.” He rolls his eyes.

“They do it from the same orifice. It’s one potent mess.”

Me: “And will eat the paint off your car.”

“Birds are deadly.”

“And that’s why you shouldn’t eat bugs.”

“This educational moment was brought to you by Bud Light.”

“You’re welcome.”

SO, staring at me in disbelief: “I’m cutting you off.”

 

SO, while on a hike, trying to teach me to track…

“And what kind of pattern do squirrels run in?”

Me, without missing a beat: “I don’t know. I didn’t take guitar lessons.”

 

On a walk around back roads past farms:

Me: “Why is there a big yellow circle painted in the road there?”

SO: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Is it for parachutes?”

SO: “What??”

Me: “Yeah, cause it would be too easy to just land in a pasture.”

SO: “I’m not talking to you anymore.”

Under my breath: “Show offs.”

 

Delegating household to-do’s…

SO: “You really need to get the bills together.”

Me: “You’re really bossy.”

SO: “I’m not bossy. I’m just telling you what to do.”

Me: “Um…that’s what bossy IS!”

 

BF to her child: “Put that down before I hit you with it!”

Me; “Hahahaha”

 

BF to her other child: “Put down that boy right now!”

 

Me to small child: “If you saw your brother putting honey in your shoes, why didn’t you stop him?”

 

One morning I awoke to splashing sounds. (Never a good thing.) Fearing my small son had flooded the bathroom I ran in to see him standing in the toilet (yes, IN the toilet) marching his feet up and down.

*splash splash splash!*

Me: “Honey? Whatcha doin’?”

Son: “Marchin’.”

Me: “Are you almost done?”

Son: “Yeah”

He marches a few more times and steps out of the toilet while I grab a towel for him.

What the hell?

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4 thoughts on “I Didn’t Just Say That…Did I?

    • He was 4 years old, so his feet weren’t that big. I forgot to mention he had on those fluffy footed pajamas too. It was GREAT!!!

      Like

Don't just sit there -- talk to me!

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