I’m Back!

And to kind of catch up on life, I’m posting things I’ve written while I was gone. Once I’ve expressed the OMG that has filled my life you will return to my regularly scheduled bouts of madness.

You’re welcome.


3:00 AM — November 1, 2011

Last night on Halloween I went to sleep early because of my cold. I was lying awake in bed at 2:30AM deciding whether or not to get up. It was too early to be up for the day, but on the other hand if I forced myself back to sleep I’d be tired all day (go figure). And if I got up to walk through the laundry room to go potty (bathroom is on the other side of the laundry room) I’d wake the dog up and she’d be all hyper and need to go out and want to eat because “Hey! We’re awake!” I didn’t want her dancing around and jumping up and down (she really likes food) to wake up the baby so I was lying in bed trying to decide how much I really needed to go potty.

Shortly after 3:00AM I decided to go wading.

Actually, the dog started whining so I got out of bed because I thought maybe Daddy hadn’t let her out before he went to bed and she had to go potty. In the meager light from the stove hood I opened the kitchen door to the laundry room (closed to keep dog in laundry room and not wandering through the house chewing on baby toys, dirty clothes or Dean Koontz novels (bad dog! I didn’t want to know how it ended anyway. [SARCASM])) and stepped in a puddle of cold liquid.

Admittedly, what went through my mind first was that the dog did her thing in front of the door BEFORE she started whining to go out. The words “BAD DOG” were floating up against my lips when I noticed the smell. (It was 3AM. Slow reflexes.) I didn’t smell “laundry room” or even “bad dog peed on the floor.”  I smelled “wet carpet.” Before I yelled at the dog (2 points for me), I crossed the corner of the laundry room to hit the light switch. (Don’t know who built the house, but DUMB place for the light switch. If you come in from the kitchen or the back door you have to be IN the laundry room before you can turn on the light.)

The light went on and immediately I saw the rays of light glistening on the waves of Lake Laundry Room.

Oddly enough, my first thought was at the dog. “You couldn’t have peed this much.” Dog looked at me like she didn’t know what happened but she was sure it was her fault. (Dog is actually pretty decent dog.) I told her, “It’s ok, baby,” pointed at the living room and told her to go lay down. (Plus for dog…gets to sleep on couch. YAY)

I looked up thinking it had rained and there was a hole in the roof and it came through the ceiling.

No. Ceiling is dry and still white. No water spots.

I decided this is one of those bonding moments that two people in a deep meaningful relationship should be sharing. So I awoke the sleeping dragon….errr….Significant Other…

who stared into the Laundry Room and pointed to the corner the washer is in which is also near a window. (This is the moment I thought someone had broken in and stuck a hose through the window or something. Did I mention our neighbors SUCK and it was Halloween?…and 3AM?? So for a few seconds I was also scared. Thank you, Halloween.) Then he blamed me for washing clothes, ran through the lake to use the bathroom himself, THEN told me he had to get up to work in a couple hours and went back to bed.

Apparently, men do not get the concept of loving couple bonding moments.

Step One: Go potty. (First things first.)

Step Two: Grab mop to at least get the water in the back hallway cleaned up so I only have the laundry room to deal with. Mop is too small for the three inches of water near the back door (floor slants). There was a towel and a few articles of clothing in front of the washer waiting their turn so I grab the towel which is almost completely soaked already. I decide to see if the washer works at all….

Step Three: Spin Cycle. The washer is filled up to the top with water and clothes are floating around looking confused. This afternoon before Significant Other came home from work I threw clothes in and turned it to “medium load” and let it fill. I left the lid open so that when SO came home he could throw his dirty stuff in and then we could run the washer. We forgot. BUT…

The washer didn’t overflow when I filled it or we would have noticed before 3am. It was fine all afternoon and evening. It wasn’t running. It was sitting there with a few clothes in it and some water waiting for someone to close the lid so it could agitate.

So how did MORE water get in it???

Freaking Halloween.

I turn it to SPIN, close the lid and hope for the best. It spins. The water in the drum drains, nothing leaks…and the clothes inside are not sopping wet. YAY. I throw in the sopping towel, it spins and is damp, but not sopping wet. YAY. I use towel on floor near back door. YAY. I use towel on floor around carpet in laundry room. I get to most likely throw away carpet in laundry room. YAY.

(Seriously. For this reason, you do NOT carpet your laundry room. Whoever lived here before was a bozo so it isn’t wall to wall carpeting it’s a piece of carpet that only covers about 80% of the floor and sits under the washer and dryer. There’s no pad or liner or anything, just a big piece of carpeting. Hello, Garbage Man. Note to house building people: for just this reason laundry rooms have been known to include a drain in the floor. Just sayin’.)

I go to throw towel in washer…then realize towel is getting dirty (damn carpet) and remove clothes already in washer where I also find two more towels. Use towels on floor, dance on wet carpet to sop of some of the water in that, throw towels in and SPIN. Towel on floor, dance, washer and spin. Towel/dance/washer/spin. Towel/dance/washer/spin.

I also had to SPIN the comforter that the dog sleeps on. She woke up when the water soaked in up to her level, probably thinking “I could not have peed this much.”

When SO comes home from work he’ll have to help me disconnect and move the washer and dryer so I can roll up the damn carpet and put it out for the garbage man…and then mop the damn floor. Damn damn damn. And then he’ll have to help me reconnect them (“help me” meaning he’ll have to because I have no idea how) and push them back into place. Then we’ll have a normal uncarpeted and clean laundry room and the dog can sleep in her own bed tonight.

To recap…comforter for dog is SPUN and drying in the dryer. My towels are probably stained for life. I’m getting exercise I hadn’t planned on. I ran the washer to see what the hell happened and…

Nothing happened. It went through the whole wash/rinse/spin cycle with no problem. My only explanation for this is it was Halloween and the washer was haunted. Or overflowed by a slightly naughty unseen entity.

Do poltergeists even do laundry?



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