Sometimes Abigail sleeps in my bed. When she does I keep the curtain closed and the door closed until she wakes up…
…because if I wake her up she is freaking hell on wheels all day long.
ALL. DAY. LONG.
Chasing her when she’s in a good mood is one thing, trying to pacify her when she’s cranky and cries for no reason and everything seems to be cause for toddler alarm? Whole other ballgame.
Whole other ball PARK.
Whole other freaking sport.
This morning she was asleep on the bed and I got a drink and came in to use the computer (watch a tv show I hadn’t finished watching yet). The fan was on to drown out noise, but as I was sitting at the computer I heard a sound not unlike footsteps. The show hadn’t started yet, so I wasn’t mishearing….I listened. I heard what sounded like someone walking in the other part of the house trying to be quiet…like because we weren’t out there and the bedroom door was closed. My first thought is “Matt’s home! WOOT!”
I got up and snuck out to the kitchen (not wanting to wake Abigail up, not trying to be sneaky). I didn’t hear anything else and didn’t see Matt. I think “The HELL?” and automatically assumed (as one does) that the house is haunted.
I’m pretty sure this has no relation to the spooky tv show I was watching.
Anyway, I go get medicine while I’m up (I also woke up sick. DOUBLE WOOT!) and when I come back into the bedroom I hear noise and in the dim light I think I see movement in the closet.
I freeze because really? If there’s someone in my closet I’m going to die. I’m going to scream and then I’m doing to DIE. I look. I hear the “footstep” noise and yes! MOVEMENT! Near the floor! It’s round! OMG IT’S A HEAD!
Why would someone’s head be so close to the floor?
IT’S A CAT!
We don’t have a cat and how the hell would the neighbor’s cat get in here?!?
OMG! WHAT. THE. HOLY. HELL?????
My thoughts race as I try to decide how to both fight off whatever/whoever this is AND get to the phone to call 911…or Matt…or Ghostbusters…or freaking MacGyver.
Then I realize….
Matt’s stupid fan is still on, drowning out the noise…it’s blowing air into the closet and causing one of Abigail’s balloons to bounce around. Each balloon thump on a wall or closet shelf is the “footstep” sound I had been hearing and the HEAD is a stupid balloon.
I had heart failure and almost wet myself because of a BALLOON.
This was scarier than the time I was attacked by a banana.