At my house we share. We share feelings, thoughts, private jokes and expressions. We also share germs. The Man’s germs. I blame The Man because he’s the one who ventures out into the world every day. He’s the one around other people (or “germ ridden disease bags” as I’m calling them now because I’m bitter). Sometimes he is only the Carrier. The Man rarely gets ill and usually performs his part in Darwinism by merely spreading germs and disease and infecting the weaker members of society. (The Toddler and me.)
Recently, The Man became ill. >insert evil laugh<
Shortly thereafter The Toddler began coughing and then ran a fever. >insert frustrated sigh and Mommy guilt<
Then! Then! Before anyone recovered I..I…Little old ME! got sick too. (Please avert your eyes as I flip off the Universe.)
Any family woman can tell you life gets a little harder when the family gets ill. She will also tell you life grinds to a freaking halt when Mommy gets sick. She will also tell you Hell compounds with interest when Mommy is sick WHILE the family is ill. Who will take care of every one? Who will cook dinner if the smell of food sends Mommy running out of the room with her hand over her mouth? Who will wait on us hand and foot if Mommy is actually sicker than we are? Wait…if Mommy is sick does this mean we’re pushed into indentured servitude to her? How rude!
I don’t get sick like normal people. Everyone else catches a bug and is sick for however many days. I catch a bug and get very very tired. Then I get another symptom, then another. Sometimes I get one symptom at a time until I’ve had all the symptoms associated with whatever was going around. This means I can be sick for a month when everyone else gets sick for a week or so.
Anyway, this time, The Man had stuffiness and coughing. The Toddler had coughing and fever. I AM WIPED OUT AND MY HEAD IS GOING TO EXPLODE.
I have head congestion. I thought I might have strep, but it’s just a sore throat…that went into my ear…my head is stuffy and my face hurts. I can’t hear out of my right ear and both ears sound like they’re full of water. It hurts to swallow which makes eating or drinking interesting.
And because I am THE MOMINATOR I’m home alone with The Toddler doing all the regular mommy things and trying not to pass out.
When do Mommies get a Mommy? Can I rent a wife? Can I hire a nurse or something cause there are dishes to be done, lunch to be made, laundry to be washed, a toddler to be played with and potty trained (NOT TODAY! *groan*) and this Mommy just wants to lie down and nap in between nose blowing sessions.
I’m taking applications. And donations. Chocolate and orange juice greatly appreciated.