Public Bathrooms Are Evil

This past Saturday THE GIRL and I joined THE MAN while he was working. He films local events for the cable company and sometimes we go too because we like to leave the house.

And be with Daddy. (Of course. *cough*)

Saturday was a dance company’s Christmas program and we thought it was going to be one long show from 3-6 or 7. When we got there THE MAN was told that the little kids show was at 3, but the bigger kids performing Polar Express was at 7.

With THE GIRL (now 6 years old) in tow my thought was “oh hell no” or something to that effect thinking she would never last that long, bedtime is at 8, should we miss the 7 o’clock show to be on the safe side…. Then THE MAN says after the little kids show we could just go get dinner and then come back for the other show. This would feed the monster THE GIRL and let her run off some pent up energy and wipe out her reasons to not sit through the whole late show.

We went to McDonald’s because something resembling food and playground.

McDonald’s bathrooms are bad luck for me. I usually get locked in a stall or otherwise embarrass myself in front of strange women, and this time was no different.

I pulled down my pants and sat on the toilet without injury.  (Yay!) And thought since I was alone and no one could see me I would just pop out my contacts,  clean them off and pop them back in. That way they’re clean and I don’t gross anyone out. (Some people don’t like seeing other people touching their eyeballs while they’re eating. Who knew?)

I popped the right one out, put it in my mouth (yeah, I know but I couldn’t see through it and had no solution. Helpful tip #31: Don’t use hair spray with your eyes open) then put it back in my eye. I could see. Then I popped out my left contact.

And dropped it.

My vision is bad enough that with just one lens in it is hard to see and my depth perception is nil. I frantically leaned over and looked in the creases of my jeans. Nothing.

“I can’t see. I’ll never find it.”
“Dammit! That’s my last one!”
“Can someone bring my husband in here?”
“Is it socially acceptable to ask a strange woman to bust in the stall door and kneel in front of my not-quite-exposed lady garden to help look for my contact?”

I took a deep breath and leaned over and found it on the floor between my feet.

Thank you, Jesus.

Being totally confounded, I carried on with the plan – I popped it in my mouth, licked it off and put it in my eye. I wiped, flushed, dressed myself, washed my hands and rejoined THE MAN in the booth.

“That did NOT go well. Ask what happened. ”

He asked, and as I was telling him he laughed, shook his head and looked at me like I was a poor, stupid puppy.

“So, basically,  I just licked the floor in the bathroom…and put it in my eye.

And, I broke another nail.”

Still smiling, he said, “Just sit here and don’t move. Don’t move.”

Bathrooms are evil.

Exfoliate Your Donuts

For those of you who missed it, I had surgery three weeks ago. Three long weeks. It was major surgery.

[Why am I not saying it like in “A Christmas Story” and tell everyone about my MAJOR SURGERY? In the long run it will be better and my life will be more fun. In the short term though…I didn’t even get a leg lamp!]

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Things That Scare Me

It’s been a year and a half since The Man’s heart attack. I’ve almost forgotten the fear and worry and feeling of loss I had while he was in the hospital and I was here alone trying to make life seem normal for our little girl. Almost. I will never forget that hideous shade of grey on his face. I will never forget him being so quiet and unmoving. After they “stabilized” him he wasn’t himself. He wasn’t making jokes or being funny or even telling me not to worry. I hugged him and said “I’m scared.” He said, “Me too.”

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The Big Scary Tomato

I grew up in Northwestern Pennsylvania. Up there a “major weather event” is usually snow related. We’ve experienced the odd earthquake and heard of a tornado or flood or two. But…while weather like that can be serious, and breaks my heart when I see the damage afterwards (usually on television) I think I thought of it as “part of life” and the planet we live on does these things and we’ve been here a while, we’re survivors, we’ve adapted to fit our environment or…whatever. It just is…but it was never us. Everything was always happening to someone else. Another state, another city, another school.

Then I moved to Alabama.

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Gramma

I lost my Gramma almost 11 years ago. She passed away suddenly on May 10, 2003, in a hospital while being treated for cancer. She died after having come to some kind of terms with facing cancer, the thought of losing her hair, the thought of getting sicker before she got better…and the thought that she may just not get better anyway. It seems almost cruel to put someone through all that and then whisk her away.

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Life Has A Way…

I had a few ideas of what to write about and just now got some time to sit down and write, however….

Well, let me back up a bit. As a woman and mom there are times I wonder what kind of person I am. Am I nice enough? Compassionate? A good role model for my children? An inspiration to my Significant Other and others around me? What would I do in a physical crisis? Would I respond appropriately in an emotional crisis? Continue reading

You Found Me, HOW?

A few of my friends with blogs have been discussing the search terms used by people to get to their blogs. What this means is that when someone sits down and types these things into Google or Bing, Google or Bing will bring them to your blog. So, one would expect for mine “Respectfully Disrespectful” or “Elisa Ashley” would get you here…they do. But so do these: Continue reading