The Kindness of Strangers

We’re far enough into our savings now that if it’s not one of the big three expenses (rent, food, diapers) we think two or three times about making the purchase. This includes thirty cents for each local phone call (I don’t call out), and, well, everything else.

Today I applied to go back to school. My admissions…officer/person/guy faxed me some forms to fill out and send back. And then we found out the hotel charges $1 per page to get or send faxes. (ACK!) Yes, it’s “only” $4, but right now that’s over 4 meals (tv dinners, 88 cents). They don’t usually do this, but the school is making arrangements with the hotel now to pay for the fax charge and get it removed from our room bill. I wanted to be able to tell him not to worry about it, we’ll be okay…but really? Right now I have no idea if we’ll be okay or not.

I felt like crying because I didn’t have the $4. Now I feel like crying because someone was nice to me. I feel an unconditional allegiance to my new school coming on.

Thank you God. And Justin.


“A pedestrian friendly city” (Losing the Will to Live)

11:00am: Ask Matt if we can go for walk. I meant like he and Abby did the other night after dinner — a leisurely stroll along the river.

11:44am: Matt says, “Well get dressed if you wanna go for a walk.”

11:45am: Whine because its hot outside.

12:15pm: Strolling along the river, proud of myself for handling the heat well. Admire dark tunnels and leafy underpasses and wonder at lack of mosquitoes here vs Pennsylvania.

12:25pm: We sit on a bench and discuss what a pleasant day this is and how happy we are to relax and spend time together as a family.

12:27pm: Ask how far we are from Uptown because I haven’t been “out” yet, I’m doing fine, baby is doing well, the heat isn’t as bad as I was afraid it would be.

12:28pm: We decide to walk Uptown.

12:45pm: We reach civilization and stop in to the Space and Science Center under the pretense of aqcuiring brochures about their programs so we can enjoy the air conditioning. We’re feeling a little warm.

12:50pm: After a chat with the man at the Science Center we head further Uptown to eat.

1:35pm: After lunch we wander around, look at statues and buildings, try to think up ideas for future job hunting and things to do when we’re employed and not worried about money.

2:03pm: We decide to head back. It’s a long walk, our feet are starting to hurt and we’re definitely feeling the heat.

2:04pm: Matt asks whether we want to take the bus or walk the way we came along the river. He says it’s shorter to walk. I ask how can it be shorter to walk? He said the bus will drop us at 30th street. Clueless, I say, ok, let’s walk back the way we came. He is surprised but leads us back to the river.

2:25pm: My feet hurt. I am wearing Cute Sandals of Doom. I feel blisters forming with each step. Also? It’s 15 degrees hotter than when we walked out here. The sun is bearing down on us and also reflecting off the asphalt.

2:35pm: Me: I’m not cut out for this whole thing.
Matt: What whole thing?
Me: Survival.

2:45pm: We’re sweating in places we didn’t know could sweat. We’re both getting blisters. Every 5 minutes we check on the baby and make sure she’s not overheating. Matt snaps at me that I’m the one who wanted to walk and not take the bus. Eventually we discover it was a misunderstanding. He meant that taking the bus would be a shorter walk. It’s too late now. We’re nowhere near a bus stop and halfway home.

2:50pm: I have to stop. Again. This is the third time already. I sit on a bench while Matt warns me that it will only make me more tired. I play the Fibromyalgia card saying if I don’t rest I won’t be able to move tomorrow. He says who am I kidding, I won’t be able to move tomorrow anyway. I agree, cursing Fibromyalgia.

2:57pm: I’m STILL trying to catch up to Matt and the stroller. A woman jogs past and waves at me. After she moves on a few yards I mutter curses in her general direction. I realize the previous “lack” of mosquitoes was due to us not sweating at the time.

3:07pm:  We reach our “exit” off the Riverwalk. I choose to help carry the stroller up the stairs rather than walk another 10 minutes up to a ramp. At the top of the stairs I almost throw up. The heat is killing me. My feet hurt. I can’t throw up because I have nothing to lean on. Everything is too hot to touch, nevermind support myself against while I lose my lunch. I barely make it to a gazebo at the top of the stairs to sit. Or throw up. Jury is still out.

3:09pm: Waves of nausea pass, Matt comes back (having left me to wander to the gazebo) and tells me to suck it up we’re almost home and Abby needs to go inside. I curse him mentally for playing the parent card.

3:15pm: We’re inside our apartment and I collapse on the bed and sweat, too afraid to look at what remains of my feet. Matt and Abby take a bath.

3:21pm: Matt tells me to go take a bath. I lie in cool water and fight the urge to cry.

3:30pm: I dry off and flop on the bed exhausted, sunburned and sore. I sleep until 9pm, defeated.

Yankee-0, South-1

Question Of The Week

This week caught me wondering a few things, but my favorite is:

“What does the inside of your nose smell like??”

You know when someone asks you, “Do you smell that?” and you sniff to be helpful but can’t smell anything? Maybe it’s because whatever it is they are smelling happens to smell like the inside of your nose which is why you can’t smell it.

Also, when you smell something and no one else does? Maybe you’re smelling the inside of your nose.

Really. Think about it.

What I Should Have Said/Done

Sorry I haven’t posted. I’ve been very very lazy busy. I’ve been making my recovery a priority so I’ve been resting in between bouts of unbalanced housecleaning. Since my last post I’ve realized that I should have kept more of a journal about my pelvic injury and called it “The Fanny Diaries”. Perfect, right?

I’ve also decided that I need more of a format for my blog. So I’ve decided that Mondays will be the new “You Know You’re _______ When…” days and like David Letterman I will provide a topic and my personal top ten. Commenters will be welcome to add their own.

Tuesdays will become “Question of the Week” day where I give you the top question that’s been plaguing me lately.

Wednesdays, like I’ve seen other places, will be “Wordless Wednesdays” where I’ll share the picture that’s impacted me the most one way or another that week.

I’m still thinking about this so those are the only three I have right now, but every day will be something different. (I’m taking suggestions.)

And right now I have to go because my chef has my dinner ready and a movie waiting. 🙂

Oh…and yes, my fanny seems to be functioning much better now.

Time Stopped (The Broken Pelvis Journal, vol 3.)

Really. I swear. I’ve ventured out of the house twice today. Both times I’ve come home and begged for drugs and fallen onto the couch. They say 6-8 weeks of recovery time. I’m almost to week 5 and it feels like week 2.

Next time I break my pelvis I’m going to do it when I have a nanny and an assistant who will bring me things while I lay still (LIKE I’M SUPPOSED TO BE DOING) and groan. At first I didn’t see a need for crutches, but now I wish I had some. I’m seeing another ER visit in my near future if things don’t improve drastically in the next five minutes or so. (LOL, but not really.)

I already have Fibromyalgia and live with some amount of pain on a daily basis anyway. I mean, REALLY? REALLY? I used to think “everything happens for a reason”….but….yeah. Not so much.

Feel free to call and keep me company while I lie on the couch on a bag of ice and try not to whine. I’m trying really hard to be a big girl here.


Where I Ramble and You Say “Huh?”

Abby is sick. At first we thought it was chicken pox because Abby got a fever out of nowhere and then woke up with a few scattered spots. So, Monday we went to the doctor pediatrician. By then the spots were fading and I felt like a boob for calling and taking Abby in. BUT, they said better to know what’s going on and said it was a viral thing. It seemed to be going away so just give her benadryl if she’s itchy, tylenol if her fever came back. She has been absolutely miserable since then. She isn’t sleeping well, feeling like doing anything, or happy. EVER. Abby mostly cries….doesn’t sleep long if she does finally konk out. I feel so bad for her. She’s also looking slightly mottled. So I’m wondering if we just went to the doctor too early. (ACK)

And, I’ve been moving around, walking, going to the store instead of staying on the couch happily sitting on my frozen veggies…and I’m paying for it. Every evening has been hard on me and all the times I moved have piled up and dropped pain bombs on me all day today. I’m ready to…I don’t know what. I feel like crap.

I need a home care aide. And brownies. And some of Brenda’s Barcardi watermelon whatever it was.

And a nap.

Murder me, Harry.